These waves won't carry me anywhere, and these roads give no direction

I'm still at the beach (VB), not exactly the beach, but my house in VB, fifteen minutes from the beach. Ah. I got really sick last week on Tuesday, actually. But I took some meds and felt better. Feeling better, I decided to go to Jarhead and Marzipan's house to play the drums. IT'S SO AWESOME!!!! Then I woke up Wednesday morning feeling a little bit dead. Since then, I have been puking my brains out. I've come to the conclusion that it must be my brains I'm puking out because I haven't been eating anything, really. A cracker here and there. Maybe it's all the pill capsules. In any case, with the help of modern medicine and insurance, I am on some drugs that have made my throat stop feeling as though it's closing. I can talk almost normally again, but I have these crazy nose bleeds. Consequently, I've stopped spitting up blood for the most part. And I think that's where I'm going to stop talking about the sickly week I've been having.

I knew that the holidays would suck because Granddad is gone. Well, I missed Thanksgiving. I was alone in the house while everyone went to my tita's. I missed seeing my cousin who came up from Atlanta, and I haven't seen her in quite sometime. So, I guess I was right. Holidays blow.

I find myself thinking about my granddad more and more. And it makes me sad, very very sad. But I know there's nothing to help it; it's just something I have to feel.

I always thought he would just be there forever. I pictured bringing my kids to his house, him showing them his vegetable gardens. Now, whenever I do have kids, I'll have to tell them about him. And I'm afraid that I won't say all that should be said. What if I forget things?