I Really Like Making Pastry Pasties, Ya'll

Well, I mean I guess I do. I made mine to look like whip cream with a cherry on top; although some people referred to my boobs in the pasties as cupcakes. Either way, I was very happy with the way they turned out. Let me rewind and start from the beginning, or at least close to it. Actually I won't start there. I'll just start with last night. Okay. Here, wait, not yet, all right, now.

Last night was the best Valentine's Day of my entire life. Seriously, no question. I didn't have a "valentine" or anything fucking aCUTEly lame like that. Nope, last night was not amazing because I had that one special person by my side. It was wonderful because there were a bunch of special people! On February 14, 2009, I danced in my first burlesque show, The Death Match of Love at Gallery 5 in Richmond, Virginia with the Modern Burlesque Brigade.

My burlesque name is Yellow Kettle, which is also the name of my crafts and jewelry stuff. I did my piece as a cooking show, to the song "All Blues" by Miles Davis. The band picked it out for me, and I was really pleased with it. It involved confetti, condoms, a fake cake, and the pasties mentioned above. Oh, and lots of licking. The premise was that I was doing the recipe, and it was a little off so I do another recipe, and that one tells me to remove my clothes, so I mix in my robe, hat, apron and garter. Before that I "accidentally" put in too much of an ingredient, and I grab some condoms and confetti from the bowl and throw it to the audience. That was a good moment for everyone, I think. Finally when my cake is ready, I smell it, and the aroma of the fresh baked love moves me to take off my dress. I rip open the snaps, except for one, turn around and remove the dress completely. I grab the cake, hiding the pasties turn around, and show the audience what we have made together. Then I go center stage and raise the cake to reveal my pasties. After that I touch my finger to the "whip cream" and give it a lick. I wink, and peace out. Hopefully a video will surface and some pictures too, and I can put them up here for all my loyal readers (me and maybe one other person) to indulge in.

I also did the introduction to the intermission. That was basically me, in a huge trench coat, with two pieces of cardboard - one (to cover my two pieces up top) read INTERMISSION and the other (to cover my lady cave) read 10 MINUTES. I came out, looked really creepy at the audience for a good long while. Then at the peek of awkward, when even I could no longer handle it, I flung open the trench and revealed the sign. Some dude ran up with his camera phone, which was kind of even more awkward.

That was hands down the best time I have ever had on stage. It was also the first time I practiced with the band. S o I really owe them a lot. Everyone was wonderful to work with, and I'm really glad I was able to be apart of it. Thanks to anyone who reads this and came out last night.

Suck it with <3,
Yellow Kettle