things fall apart, and it really fucking sucks.

so after a not so great day, my mom called me with some bad news. my granddad is in the hospital again. he's coughing up blood. he's not doing well. i don't know if they know if it's his cancer that has gotten worse or something else. i'm going home this weekend. i don't know what else to do.

i didn't wanna go to sleep, which is probably why i'm getting in and writing this past 2 in the morning. i went on a really long bike ride with a friend. we rode downtown then towards carytown before his bike chain went to pieces.

seems as though everything is falling apart. i don't really know what else to say other than i'm pissed, and i hate that this is happening. i hate it so fucking much. i hate that i'm not back home right now, and i hate that even when i was it wasn't enough.

i don't want to go to sleep.

projects for the near and dear future

i plan on taking matilda - the dog - out to poop and tinkle.
i'm working on some presents for people, mostly friendship bracelets and special letters and what not.
i'm tinkering with putting beads into my friendship bracelets. i think i've come up with a method that i really like. we'll see.
auditions.
writing more.
reading more.
selling out.
sewing curtains.
making pillows.
decorating my room that i'm finally done rearranging.
and i think i'm done buying baskets. i have around 14. i think that's plenty, maybe even borderline obsessive.
oh! i'm riding my new bike... well it's not a new bike, but it's new to me. i like it lots. very lightweight boy's frame so i can lug it up and down the stairs to our house. it has three water bottle holders for some reason; i use one for my crayon shaped thermos, but the other two are coming off as soon as i get the right tool for them. also, it has one of those generator lights that only works in the dark. so when i peddle in the wee small hours of the morning i can find my drunken path just fine!
i want to make a movie. so i'm going to do that.
i think matilda has fallen asleep on my lap just now. she does that a lot. wait, she's not asleep. she just licked my armpit. weird.
brooklyn next month. oh fuck yes. i miss my babies.
i want to get so busy that i don't even have time for this blog. well maybe not that busy, but pretty close.

team spirit

we got shot down
trying to shoot up
so they made us piss
in a paper cup
so that we could take one for the team

we shook hands
with the president
went to church
so as to repent
and lit a candle for the rest of the team

they took pictures
they framed us
they made an example out of us
because we were the only ones left